Real Men. Real Results.
Coaching call wins from inside The Family Captain — in their own words.
Fully Respected
“I introduced my wife to the Ecstatically Married series… we got to have sex twice this week… she’s always been a submissive wife and respectful to me. Things are definitely starting to change. Um, I think a lot of the issues that we’ve been having, it’s just because she’s had a lot of bitterness and hatred towards me just because of the anxiety and stuff I’ve had over the last few years. And laid a lot on her. And she told me that she’s been letting go of a lot of that. She’s been praying through it….”
— David
Before: David’s wife had bitterness and hatred toward him due to his anxiety and the burden he laid on her.
After: She is letting go of bitterness, praying through it, and softening into the wife he first met as he takes back responsibility.
“I basically realized, as my wife was giving me feedback, that I both have very low, uh, just general leadership XP… and then also my feedback reception XP is also quite low. And, um, so we, we ended up talking for a good time about this, and I, I just realized how much, uh, kind of general leadership, being able to put yourself out there… it’s like I’m putting myself forth. It’s like, it’s like, uh, it’s like initiating sexually. It’s like, I’m just, I’m putting myself out there. And now in the face of, of feedback of all sorts, I have to keep putting myself out there….”
— Jay
Before: Low leadership and feedback reception XP, getting defensive to pushback.
After: Realized the need to ‘stand erect’ in the world like a lighthouse, providing a safe container for his wife and kids to feel overpowered and delighted in.
“She’s been saying like she’s getting really submissive, and she said she’s been feeling very spiritual… the biggest holdback for her was kind of sexual submission. And she just said like after this talk, like, ‘Hey, I’m going to submit to you sexually because I know that’s what you’re leading me to do.’ At this point, I feel like 100% I have basically 100% submission, but not like a blind submission. It’s like I have all of her wisdom and pretty much her submission now. My wife was really depressed in the beginning and like we haven’t had that at all.”
— Unnamed (Week 11)
Before: Wife was depressed and had a “holdback” regarding sexual submission.
After: Wife is feeling spiritual, submissive, and has committed to submitting sexually because she trusts his leadership.
“I’ve been blessed by Adam Johns coming alongside of me and helping me grow in Christ, and helping me beat my porn problem… My wife sees a big change too. We’re headed out this afternoon for a trip to Michigan… she told me yesterday, ‘I’m bringing three negligees.’ She goes, ‘Because we may end up just having such a good time we want to stay a third day, and we want to have some good sex during the third day too.’ She’s coming around. She’s healing up from my transgressions against her. We’re back to two sexual encounters a week now….”
— Paul
Before: Struggling with a porn problem and lack of accountability.
After: Seven days of growth, daily check-ins with a brother, and a healing marriage with restored sexual intimacy.
“Just several months ago, if I had brought it up, alluded to it, tried to begin the conversation, it was just madness, right? I mean, like, going from zero to 100 escalation. Uh, pretty extreme. And since starting the program, my, my wife is big time in favor of it. It, it helps her knowing that I’m talking to other godly men, um, and she respects that. And so had a brief conversation, just out of the blue… I said, ‘Hey, you know, school year’s starting up here. I want to make sure neither of us are bitter….”
— Unnamed Speaker (First)
Before: Bringing up decisions about his daughters visiting would lead to ‘madness’ and extreme escalation (0 to 100).
After: He approached her calmly about the same topic, and she responded with respect and no yelling.
“My wife finally agreed to a return home date, so that’s great… she finally said, ‘Okay, I’ll be home on, on this date,’ so really, really glad about that. And, um, you know, in the past week and a half or so, I’ve just noticed an uptick in her sweetness toward me, um, in her saying things like, ‘I miss you. I want to be home.’ Um, you know, ‘I wish that I could be near you, with you.’ … I’ve been trying to be consistent according to y’all’s coaching with respect to not being needy in my communications with her via texts and phone calls……”
— Trey
Before: His wife’s return home date was extended and uncertain.
After: She finally agreed to a specific return date and has become much sweeter in her communication.
“Week 11 now and I really feel like I’ve hit my stride… feeling so, so secure in all this stuff and practicing it so hard for, like, weeks. Now I just feel like it’s just like just walking this wasted road to where we want to be… if a trigger does happen again, it’s like I’m not afraid of it. I know exactly how to handle it. I know it’s gonna go well… I’ve stopped judging my obedience by my wife’s reaction. You know, ’cause that’s something I would do for so long, is, ‘Well, my wife didn’t like it, I must have done something wrong.’ But instead it’s like, ‘Well, no, I know I was obedient….”
— Shane
Before: Used to judge his obedience by his wife’s reaction and felt insecure when she was triggered.
After: He feels secure, handles her triggers without fear, and has gained massive knowledge from the program’s book list.
“I’ve always felt like I was caught in the middle of trying to play both sides, my wife’s side, and my mom and my sister’s side to try to keep some peace. And that probably meant that my wife wasn’t getting all of what she needed. I just did that a lot better over this holiday, and said, ‘Look, we’re having it at our house. This is how it’s gonna be.’ I was the real patriarch of that family sect, and my wife totally benefited from it. I could just tell that it relieved her a lot… I served all the women in my life. And so far I’ve had sex every day this year.”
— Terry
Before: Terry felt ‘stuck in the middle’ trying to appease his difficult sister and mother, which resulted in his pregnant wife not getting what she needed.
After: He took full charge of the holiday plans, acted as the ‘bad guy’ so his wife didn’t have to, and has had sex every day of the new year so far.
Joyfully Followed
“I felt all of, like, old Steven coming back. You know, things would happen and instantly I would kind of pull back, and my first desire was, ‘Well, this is why this couldn’t happen…’ and all these reasons why things couldn’t get done… There was a defining moment… one of the real bigwigs came up and he is a very frantic man… he starts to freak out… I felt all that anxiety rush back into me, and it… literally felt like the world stopped. I took a step forward and I told him, ‘This is what we’re doing about it. This is how we’re fixing this.’ ……”
— Steven
Before: Would pull back and make excuses when stressed; felt anxiety from others.
After: Stood his ground against a frantic boss, took ownership without excuses, and earned his wife’s respect.
“I’m noticing it’s not necessarily new things that I wasn’t doing before… it’s more so doing what I was doing in a different mindset… proactively because I wanna do it for my family as opposed to, um, my wife, like, you know, nagging or trying to get me to do it, and then me doing it half-butted. Like, I make them eggs in the morning. Before I’d be frantic… I’d leave the dirty pan and spatula out. Whereas now it’s like, no, I love the idea of order from chaos. Even today, like, there’s four things in the house that I’ve seen that my wife is not, there’s no, it’s not a honey-do list….”
— Al
Before: Doing chores half-heartedly or only when nagged, leaving messes (like eggshells and dirty pans).
After: Proactively maintaining order in the house, taking initiative on ‘honey-do’ items like Christmas lights, and leading the family in discipline.
“They’ve been married for 24 years. They’ve been together for 28. He’s like, ‘Unfortunately, we started, you know, sex when we were 16 years old. But my wife has never had an orgasm.’ So she’s, you know, 44 years old now, never had an orgasm until the past few weeks. That has started, and it was just another joyful thing. Guys still don’t get it though… you’ve got to get that garden story. That garden story makes everything else inevitable. How do I get the garden story? Well, be a different man. Lead well and consistently for three and a half years. Level up. Transform. Bring peace….”
— Lee (shared by Coach)
Before: Married 24 years, together since age 16, his wife had never experienced an orgasm.
After: After Lee leveled up his leadership and transformed over 3.5 years, she has started having them in the past few weeks.
“My wife and I just celebrated our 18th anniversary. The anniversaries in the beginning were pretty good, and then there was a long period where marriage was rough and anniversaries were just kind of a thing that just kind of happened. They weren’t fun and joyful. This year was just totally different. She said that this was by far the best anniversary of all 18 years that we’ve had, and she really attributes it to the man I’m being and who I’ve become since being a part of the Family Captain. My demeanor is more joyful, not so serious all the time. Sex life’s changed. Everything’s just changed….”
— Jeremy
Before: Marriage was rough and anniversaries were just something that happened without joy.
After: Celebrated the best anniversary in 18 years with a joyful demeanor and a revitalized sex life.
“I’m just reaping all the fruits every fruit that the Family Captain has. I’m still waiting for the day that my wife turns down a sexual advance from me so I can show her that I’m not gonna be pouty. And like, it just doesn’t happen. I feel like I’ve really hit that 2.0… normal life is winning, and I think that in itself is a win. I kind of tease her about it too. I’m like, ‘Hey, baby, like I wanna pursue you sexually tonight, and I’m not gonna pout if you say no.’ It’s that kind of like just really light, low-key fun kind of demeanor that’s just like always turned on.”
— Ben
Before: Struggled with passivity and potential pouting after sexual rejection.
After: Reaching ‘2.0’ status where winning is the new normal and he maintains a light, fun demeanor even when pursuing his wife.
“I finally got past my silly fear or whatever it was of praying with my wife. It’s become a lot easier now… I said, ‘Now I’m gonna pray with everyone, each one individually at bedtime,’ the teenagers as well, and with Mandy. I asked if she could at least come upstairs… and we can pray together. And, you know, I may seduce her, who knows… now she looks forward to it. When I say, ‘It’s time to get to bed,’ she’s right behind me… the prayer is super important to her. She’s asked me for that for quite a while.”
— Jan
“I was going to try and make our bed, like, military style perfect. … My wife had, like, this look on her face… she’s like, ‘Well, everything’s changing, and you’re changing everything.’ … I stayed calm, maintained frame through the entire thing, and was able to tell her that, ‘I am now taking charge of the things that I should have been doing for the past 12 years.’ … You could see there was, like, this weight that was lifted off of her shoulders, and the rest of the day, that weekend, was absolutely, utterly amazing. … Monster win. Well done.”
— Zach
Before: 12 years of letting his wife ‘run it’ and handle household leadership.
After: He took charge of household tasks (making the bed) and maintained his frame during her ‘rampage,’ leading to an amazing weekend.
“I got a chance to, I guess, a couple times went up behind my wife and just kind of touched her, grabbed her, just interacting with her… she was doing the laundry, and she was bent over, and I went and touched her back, and she didn’t raise up immediately, but she raised up a little bit later and hit her head. She was not happy… I walked in and just said, ‘Hey, you know, are you okay?’… I said, ‘Hey, you know, I’m sorry you got hurt. I’m not sorry I touched you, though, because I don’t think I did anything wrong.’ And I just left it at that……”
— David
Sexually Desired
“I wrote a letter, got like fancy stationary… and the other day I go into the bathroom and she has the letter like pasted on the, uh, on her vanity mirror… And then, uh, lately I’ve been, uh, more consistent on working out… I’ve been getting to bed sometimes before, before my wife. And, um, every time I do that she’ll, she gets into bed after me and she’ll, she’ll crawl in the bed and then like come over and snuggle up next to me… I was just thinking back, I don’t know, a year, two years ago, like that was little things that, you know, wouldn’t happen….”
— David
Before: A year or two ago, small gestures of affection like snuggling in bed ‘wouldn’t happen.’
After: His wife now snuggles up to him every night, and she proudly displays a letter he wrote her on her vanity mirror.
“My sex life has improved in terms of frequency, regularity, and satisfaction. Last several weeks were better than before… I initiate more, and also I’m flirting also more. And what I figured out was that it’s not like I didn’t know how to flirt—but I harbored some grudge and bitterness against my wife, and I just didn’t feel like flirting. But once I kind of released that, and once I kind of got more confident and making God my mission and family, not my wife, I was able to release that grudge and I’m kind of more organic. It’s not like I’m making myself to flirt or forcing myself….”
— John Michael
Before: He harbored grudges and bitterness, making flirting feel forced or non-existent.
After: By making God his mission instead of his wife, he released the bitterness, leading to more natural flirting and a more frequent, satisfying sex life.
“My wife started bringing up a conversation about our sex life that kind of felt like it came out of left field, but it was her prompting, not me. We talked for maybe 30, 45 minutes, and there were some definite uncomfortable parts of the conversation, and I just let them be uncomfortable, and that’s not like me. Whereas before, I’d be trying to apologize for maybe something that isn’t my fault or just trying to comfort, ’cause I don’t wanna make someone feel uncomfortable. But I am doing everything the best I can… so I have nothing to apologize for, and I can be direct.”
— Adam
Before: Adam would apologize for things that weren’t his fault or try to comfort his wife just to avoid discomfort.
After: He remained calm and direct during a 45-minute difficult conversation about their sex life, allowing the discomfort to exist without feeling the need to ‘fix’ it or apologize.
“I started praying with my wife at bedtime, and I think just the combination’s really helping me stay focused and not get down. I did have a really bad Tuesday… relived all the anger I have about our relationship… but the prayers, and then wanting to pray with my wife… that really sort of bridged the gap and helped me get over it… she’s starting to soften up a little bit and be a lot more responsive to me. Um, probably, you know, cuddling me or touching me a lot more than she has in years.”
— Micah
Before: Anger and distance in the relationship.
After: Praying together at bedtime, wife is cuddling and touching him more than she has in years.
“Last Friday, I found out my daughter was sexually assaulted in December, and the win is that I was able to s- keep composure and to guide and to lead my family through there and to be compassionate, to understand, and to, uh, to keep things under control to where you actually lead the ship and continue on to handle that situation. To, to address the issues at hand, to do it from a state of, of control versus irate, um, internal fire, I guess the way you describe it, that normally fury would be there. Uh, and, and that’s a win, to being able to be that composure to handle it….”
— David
Before: Would normally react with ‘fury’ or an ‘irate internal fire’ to family crises.
After: Stayed composed, compassionate, and led his family through the news of his daughter’s assault.
“Win for me. For those that saw my post about what I share with my wife, a win was that I stood my ground for one. Also, although I got the cold shoulder for 24 hours or so, at least as far as sex is concerned, she wasn’t acting cold otherwise. Yesterday afternoon I was working from home, and no kids were in the house. She came to my office mid-afternoon not wearing much, and we had a great time. [Coach]: That is 1,000% connected to you standing firm previously and to you casting your vote. That’s not like, oh, this one good thing happened… Completely connected.”
— Ryan
Before: Ryan was unsure about standing his ground with his wife.
After: He stood his ground, and despite a brief cold shoulder, she later initiated a mid-afternoon sexual encounter.
Family & Kids
“My wife’s niece is on the LSU dance team… she takes my nine-year-old son every year. I’m here with the other four… the last two years, this weekend has been a disaster. I’ve flubbed it up badly. So my wife’s anxiety level for this one was a 15 on a one to 10. Being in week four of this, I’m like, ‘Man, I gotta own this,’ and really took it by the horns. So far so good. Everything’s going really well. I didn’t realize how scared I was living. Like, of her reaction, of her disapproval, of just her anger. And now I just don’t have it. I’m not scared of it….”
— Brady
Before: For the last two years, this weekend was a ‘disaster’ and his wife’s anxiety was a 15/10.
After: He took ownership, the house is in order, and he feels a new sense of peace and lack of fear regarding her reactions.
“My wife paid me a little respect in front of the boys the other day. They were wanting to get some Christmas lights… and the fact that when the boys wanted to get these lights, she goes, ‘Well, we’ll ask Dad and, you know, if it’s okay with Dad, we’ll go out to the store and go get some today.’ It’s not something that she needed to ask permission for, so to speak, but she showed me that respect and in front of the sons. … She is responding to you in a feminine and submissive way. ……”
— Terry
Before: Wife would usually just inform him of purchases or buy things without asking.
After: Wife deferred to his leadership by asking permission in front of their sons.
“One of my struggles around the house is kind of recognizing, particularly when my kids disrespect me. My wife will say, ‘You can’t talk to your father like that.’ So I’m like, ‘Oh, my kids are… wow, they’re not speaking to me very respectfully.’ I listened to the captain’s log training… and for whatever reason, the Lord seemed to use that to give me some confidence. Last night, my wife Emily had a migraine, so it was just me wrangling all four kids for dinner and devotion. I was able to recognize when they weren’t asking for things very respectfully……”
— Brian
“Last Friday I had set up a complete surprise date for my wife, um, and that went really well. Um, so yeah, we, we, you know, enjoyed the marriage bed after, which I was hoping for but also, like, not trying to place expectations on. Um, and I could just… There, it was good for her. I arranged for people to come over. I arranged for them to bring food, like, and, you know, we just got to go to a new place that we hadn’t tried that I picked for her. Um, and yeah, just be together for like two and a half hours uninterrupted by a two and a half year old, which is just great.”
— BJ
Before: No uninterrupted time.
After: Arranged a complete surprise date with childcare and food, leading to intimacy without expectations.
“I was unhappy with my wife falling asleep with the kids, and we weren’t getting any couch time. I’m just mad about it quietly, and I don’t ever step up and say anything. I voiced that I was upset with this and that I believe it’s best for our marriage that we have time to connect after the kids go to bed. Since that conversation, I’ve seen her soften, and she has not fallen asleep with the kids. She has made a point to make sure she spends time on the couch with me.”
— Seth (Brian)
Before: Stayed ‘mad quietly’ when his wife fell asleep with the kids instead of spending time with him.
After: Voiced his desire for connection, and she has consistently stayed awake to spend time with him.
Confidence & Identity
“My routines in the morning are going really good with Bible reading and all that. I put in three reps of cuddling there with my wife in the evenings. I started a deep clean system there with my family… The family meeting went very well. That was a huge blessing… I’ve developed my own creed, and I love it… had an open conversation, productive with my wife about our intimacy. Um, I’ve been repeating, like, a mantra to myself of what’s true, replacing, like, the, the, the negative thoughts in my mind.”
— Max
Before: Struggled with prayer and negative thoughts.
After: Established morning routines, deep cleaning systems, family meetings, and a personal creed; also improved intimacy conversations with his wife.
“Normally in the past, what’s happened when we all get together is everybody kind of, like, dog piles on Matt and I become, like, the brunt of jokes and the clown. Um, and they tried that this time a few times and I just let it roll off my back like a duck… I was more careful with my words… I was more discerning with how I participated… my wife was like, ‘No, that’s…’ and she was defending me. Not defending me like stepping in front of me, but she was like, ‘Yeah, no, he’s right.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, wow, that’s awesome.'”
— Matt
Before: Family members would ‘dog pile’ on Matt and make him the brunt of jokes.
After: Matt remained discerning and quiet, leading his wife to step in and defend his position.
“It’s been an unexpected blessing that has helped me so much at work, in that I’ve really stepped into my leadership role and recognizing that that is who I am. I’ve even been told recently by one of the VPs that I’m part of the future leadership of our company. But then also the same kind of thing at home, just realizing before it was just, you know, I’ve been really passive in letting life happen, and now every day it’s just recognizing and seeing I have the, not just the ability, but the actual calling to be the one that makes changes and brings order to my home, to my family, to my wife.”
— Jonathan
Before: Passive, letting life happen, and unsure of his leadership role.
After: Stepped into leadership at work (recognized by VPs) and taking his calling to bring order to his home seriously.
“I’ve just really felt like I’ve had to bury a lot of stuff and I can’t even share with my wife how I’m feeling because she’ll turn it into something nefarious… the Lord was just telling me, you know, just like, just be genuine but not needy. … I just told her, you know, this is what I’m feeling but I can manage it. … She actually responded with empathy which almost tearing up saying something like that. It was a really good breakthrough just to see that I can share like who I am… and not have it turn into something nefarious.”
— Shane
Before: Shane felt he had to bury his weaknesses and felt isolated because his wife would react ‘nefariously’ to his vulnerability.
After: By being ‘genuine but not needy,’ he shared his struggles with her and she responded with empathy for the first time in a long time.
Ready to Write Your Own Win?
These aren’t hypothetical stories. These are real men — husbands and fathers — who decided to stop settling for Version 2 and became the greatest man their wife and kids have ever known.